A SUDANESE WOMAN CALLED WAMBUI NJOKI MUNENE
At the beginning of this year,i made a resolution that i Ninar Bahati will not be  a benefactor of a newly shaven Indian woman and true to my word, my hair is and has been natural for the last 4 months, ask my barber, he'll tell u fo sure.

I mean, even Beyonce wears wigs and i can bet on Nicki Minaj's boobs and butt that those massive curls of hair are not real. Speaking of which, pink, green, blue, purple and yellow hair doesn't exist; so ya'll identity crisis stricken teenagers women , young and old alike can ditch those and make a solemn vow to top looking like walking rainbows.

And before you hit me with 'mwanamke ni weave kuwa natural wachia mau forest', let me remind you that kuwa celeb ni short hair( Lupita, Mrs. Mandela & Museveni e.t.c). It beats reason when a Sudanese woman called Wambui Njoki Munene bravely spots blond hair and proceeds to call herself a fashion stylista. News flash honey, you look like a black wizard of oz.

You men ain't spared either, what's with the brown Mohawks in the middle of your heads? I know Erick Omondi induced this colored baby locks frenzy but he looks good in it and you don't. Konshens can get away with red hair cuz he's rich and has hit songs to his name while you don't. I know you wanna look as hot as he does but YOU WON'T. I mean, look what happened when Fred Omondi tried to copy his bro's hair color and failed miserably.

You  gotta be sensitive to your facial features. Even the good book says that we are wonderfully and fearfully made, most of our men fall onto the latter. Honestly I liked Diamond better with his short hair singing sweetly to Mbagala. Look what happened when he tried to fit into the celebrity status quo. He put a brown Mohawk. Shortly afterwards we started hearing stories sijui how he started dating his sister, or was it his cousin; made her pregnant then later dumped her. Two relationships later the guy is frequently spotted drinking and messing around with women while showing off his six pac( we looove those though)  ; but maybe if he had remained natural we would still love him more-oh wait damn we still love him  no matter what.

Seriously though, let's go back to naturalness. I mean, even Minaj is free of cancer and her hair has grown back and sometimes, which is once in a leap year, she doesn't wear wigs or weaves.

That said and done, let's get LUPITAD people!!!!!!

back in the days in high school during chemistry exams

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  IT'S A LITTLE BIT TOO LATE TO PLAY MOMMY AND DADDY.

Anna is pissed, she is raging mad!!  To say the least she is furious and the hot steam coming out of her nostrils confirms this. Okay, well, I might have exaggerated for there wasn't any steam but, I can assure you a bull from Dallas would have cowered at her wrath.

" Morning Anna how a-....."
" I can't believe this" she cuts me off.
"....-re you" I dryly finish my salutations which apparently were falling on deaf ears (pun intended).
"somehow, people forgot to mind their own business" she continues. " Apparently my dress seems to be mystically opening and closing the supposedly eating apparatus on their faces causing irrelevant words to pop words out!!"
"And what has your dress got to do with that?" i ask already tired of the conversation.

Normally, it never bothers me if her skirts/dresses are as short as a campus relationship but hey, a lady gotta be concerned when all the jamaaz at the office forget their well cut suits and start huffing, puffing and panting like hyenas salivating at fresh meat at the sight of Anna. Not that i care or anything, I mean, those guys are good for nothing anyway. Free advice: she should try maxi skirts and dresses like me.

Seriously though, we're still in Africa so the aspect of communal parenting is still there. Fold the fish while it is still raw; okay, that translation was horrible allow me try again if you please..'Samaki mkunje angali mbichi'. (there, clap for me please!) What i'm trying to say is, it's a little bit too late to play mommy and daddy of the year 25 years later after habits have already been formed and are solid.

Telling Anna to change her dress-code will be as easy as playing a guitar to a goat.I assure you they'll hum along and nod at your every tune!!

DEVOLUTION  #Kenya@50

You know, i thought my boss was being petty when he said my hair color was too conspicuous i had to re-dye it, wait till I heard M.Ps seriously -  meticulously - arguing and agreeing in unison, that governors should remove the Kenyan flag from their cars. Really,what the HELL?? Is it just  me or are our politicians just triffling. 

Ngimurok has just died.
Ngimurok is, or rather was a boy less than a decade old  in the North-West semi arid area of Kenya called Turkana. He was born underweight and continued to suffer malnutrition till his last 6th year on earth. His parents didn't even mourn, the village didn't even notice he was dead. Why? Because child mortality is as normal as the 1.5M entertainment allowance on a governor's payslip. 

So do i really care if Kidero puts 10 flags on his Rolls Royce? Do i seriously give a crap if his name starts with your excellency? The only person i can give ear to is honorable Andai who opposed that motion as at 1128 hours Wednesday 2014 but as expected, the whole house attacked him like a bunch of sharks (wait, that's too good a name),like a bunch of hyenas who've smelled blood.

In the name of devolution, i sincerely urge you 'honorable' members of parliament, to mature up and discuss serious motions, for example, allocating more money to needy counties instead of giving them to the Wamboras in government who use it to construct 150M (which is signed off as petty cash) mansions for themselves. Had you even noticed that Elianto that was Ksh 300 four years ago, is now Ksh 960? Oh yeah that's right, you own most of these organizations and are mostly responsible for hiking the prices of these basic commodities. Need i say who is responsible for hiking oil prices? as 'wananchi' and not 'wenye nchi' we humbly say 'TUNAKUJUA!' Even Ocampo and Bensouda know you.

And this ladies and gentlemen, is devolution #Kenya@50!!!!

WHEN GOD CREATED SEX, HE DIDN'T PUT A NAME TO IT

The actor Michael Douglas highlighted the link in June last year when he blamed his throat cancer partly on oral sex. could it be ? How? What's the risk? Should oral sex be off the agenda? would that be unrealistic?

Ladies are vaccinated against the virus at 13 to protect them against cervical cancer; so clearly they are less at risk. 

Many cancers in younger people are the result of the human papilomavirus ( HPV), often passed by oral sex.

Read more at: http://www.standardmedia.co.ke/?articleID=2000106037&story_title=need-to-vaccinate-boys-as-change-in-sexual-habits-lead-to-mouth-cancer

When God created sex, He didn't put a name to it. He didn't call it doggy, 69, oral, missionary or any of the 100 or so listed in the Kamasutra manual. What is mentioned is that Adam knew his wife and she was with child, not throat cancer. Call it being old-school but the world would be rid of cervical, throat and prostrate cancer if it stuck to the normality of God created sex that was mainly meant for procreation.

Homosexuals are at a higher risk of being infected with S.T.Is like chlamydia, gonorrhea or syphilis seems which  increase risk of cancer.

One wonders what happened to morals and straight men and women. If your arm causes you to sin then cut it, so if oral sex increases your chances of getting throat cancer then stop it. If having sex with multiple partners makes you gullible to cervical cancer why not stick to one partner; or better yet why not abstain and save yourself the trouble and torment of getting on with a cancer riddled life?

But again, the choice is yours,we live in a free world where orgies are as simple as eating ugali.